Meatball Pillow

My Boyfriends Blog

2009-02-13T13:42:00.002-05:00

http://hagiblog.wordpress.com/

He's a horror movie enthusiast to say the very least.

dying flickr...

2008-12-12T09:29:00.002-05:00

I'm pretty bummed about my flickr account dying... or maybe it's already dead. It's on it's last legs. $24.95 is a good price for the service but my credit card is maxed out.

I'll be working all this year just to get into the green. My anxiety took over me for quite some time and in the end contributed to me losing my job and not being able to find one for a while.

I was told I was hired for a job at a newspaper and they never got back to me. (assholes) and the job I got at a factory for way too little of money for way harder work than I've ever done in any factory went bankrupt.

I'm in sales now and I feel like I work for Google. My work is very good to me and there's a lot of room for advancement and a lot of hours I can work this year to make amends.

I make dollar less than I did at the last factory I worked in but the work isn't physically draining. I barely notice how many hours have gone by and I have to squeeze my lunch in before I go home.

I have a sinus infection. I keep thinking I kicked it and it keeps coming back. I'll be able to get some money out of the bank finally... I've been working 2 months part time hours and I might be able to take $10 out to get something to squirt up my nose. Basically I really don't want to go to the docs but that's part of my anxiety I think I'll be able to face later.

It's funny I don't think I'm riddled with anxiety until I look back with retrospect.

I miss the summer more and more every year. I guess that means I'm starting to like it.

Soon I'm going to start tanning... I don't want a tan per se and I def. don't want to end up a leatherface... I just have exceema and that's one of the things that are supposed to help it. I hope it's not too expensive and that there's one near by.

One of my best friends Xmas parties is tomorrow... We're doing secret santa and wine and cheese and games. Last year was a riot so this should be good. I miss my friends.

I don't have an idea yet for a $10 gift. If you have any lemme know.

Keep well interwebs, you'll probably hear form me again later tonight.

Some Time

2008-12-08T19:47:00.003-05:00

I've taken some time away. For good measure. I am in a better place to write more. It's something I've put off until I've seen fit. With my first bout I could have said goodbye for my hiatus but I didn't know it was going to be such a thing.

Things are interesting. I'll save the details for another time as this is just a hello again.

Keep cool.

Here's a recap make your own assertions:

Take care y'hear?

I love this video/song.

2008-06-30T16:34:00.001-04:00

Hiatus.

2008-06-29T10:32:00.001-04:00

I've been running around like a koala with her head cut off. I'll be back. I've just been busy, partying, relaxing, looking for jobs, photography and concerts.

Moop.

When I get money...

2008-06-12T11:48:00.002-04:00

I'm getting some of these! laptop lunches. SO CUTE.

Oh man I love these.

It would actually be good portion control and awesomeness for my getting chubbier self. I really do want to eat healthy. Isn't it lame that my cute bento box would help me do that? WTF. Don't worry. I'm aware that's a little ridiculous.

down by the boardwalk...

2008-06-12T10:55:00.006-04:00

My friend Christine called me up. He hadn't seen each other for about a year but grew up as close childhood friends. She's excited that I want to write a book. Apparently she's always liked my writing. That's cool. Speaking of which I have an idea of someone who I want to do the art for my book... my childhood friend Ian. But I haven't asked him yet. His art is amazing CLICK HERE. I have fond memories of trying to draw Yoshi's with him in 1992. Trying to find places in Toronto to self publish a book probably isn't too hard but it'll take me a while. I mean I can always think about it but I should probably finish writing it and such first.

Christine and I...

Went through some old memories. And talked about anxiety plagues.

My favourite thing when I was a kid ^^. I used to wait until winter and the snow banks were high on one side of this and run up to it slam into this with my stomach and land on the other side. It didn't hurt it was so much fun... maybe that explains why my head is broken.

We went to our old public school around 1am.

as if her eye is reflective like a effin raccoon... creepy.

So many random fences... new parking lots. So many memories I can't believe it. They actually tore down where I was in grades 7 and 8. That made me a little sad. We used to jump out the window to go to recess.

^^^ How I spent my day until Christine called.

Today I'm studying up because I got a wicked awesome job opportunity coming up. My cover letter totally rocked so I want to make it sound I half know what I'm talking about. I would write a lot a lot more if it wasn't for this migraine I have. So that has to be it. And I'm sorry about the layout of pics but I wanna see which way I like it more... and if the pics are semi centered etc. So a wonky looking post it is.

You won't see fish heads sipping cappuccinos in Italian restaurants with Oriental women...

2008-06-10T15:41:00.003-04:00

Nope.

I was reminded of this today. Ahhh. I love weird shit.

I've decided.

2008-06-10T13:12:00.004-04:00

I'm going to publish a book. I'm going to call it "Meatball Pillow". Shame I lost a lot of my writing when my comp died recently I've learned my lessons.

Feel free to give me some cover ideas. I'm into surreal stuff. I'm a vegetarian dreamer with sleep hag. This is going to be interesting.

Feel free to leave comments on ideas if you're an artist and want to have some exposure.

Think meatballs and brains.

I wish this was me.

2008-06-09T21:38:00.003-04:00

I don't think violence is ok. But something happens to me and I snap when I am driving. I honestly wish I was a cop sometimes so I could learn whot do P.I.T maneuvers. When I play gta4 I try and try to P.I.T. the cars...

I give you... AWESOME:

OMG - let's fucking cheer for... beer cups!

2008-06-08T21:47:00.000-04:00

What the hell just happened?

Sleep Hag

2008-06-08T11:14:00.004-04:00

Last night's sleep was super shitty. It was a million degrees in Toronto and even tho we have AC we don't use it. That's my mother's logic. It'd be nice to just turn it on a little. Anyway, I kept getting sleep paralysis where my stand up fan kept turning into my high school English Teacher Mr. Johnson who I haven't even seen in years or thought about for that matter. He's not a scary guy by anymeans but it was unnerving. He was actually young and cool and he taught us a lot of things using Simpsons references.

We need a hammock. That would be bliss.

Anyway. My whole immediate family is in a rut. We need to get some cash flow happenin. I think I understand why I'm not great with money now.

I've gotten some pretty decent job offers. I just need to get some courage for the interviews.

I messed around with this picture my friend Johnny took in Newfie Land.

I wanna go on a road trip. I think I might be losing the weight I put on. I think it's because I'm too poor to gorge myself.

I'm feeling kinda artistic I dig that. Are for the most part is free for me to work on (I have oodles and oodles of paint and some canvas) so maybe I'll have something to show for it later on today.

Keep cool mah babies.

What have I been up to?

2008-06-06T18:47:00.001-04:00

Oh you know...

Muxtape

2008-06-02T22:08:00.000-04:00

MUXTAPE

Every night I feel so crazy.

Vote for my friends lolcat!

2008-06-02T19:20:00.001-04:00

http://mine.icanhascheezburger.com/view.aspx?ciid=1267231

SO AWESOME.

harvey Birdman reference.

HA HA... there.

I have no excuse. KIDS IN THE HALL

2008-06-02T17:14:00.001-04:00

i just wanted to post some pics.

I am jumping on my bed. Hocking my stuff so I have enough money to get to the show but I'm going to watch KIDS IN THE HALL tomorrow if I have to walk!

For the record...

2008-06-01T20:48:00.000-04:00

This is the coolest ever:

Ruddabaga

2008-06-01T18:28:00.002-04:00

This guys teeth wiggled when I poked them.

I thought it was cool. I met someone from Northern Manitoba and that's where she got this thing. She said his teeth wiggled because he was in a jar for a month. I didn't understand that and I gapped out for the explanation as I tried to fathom a huge-ass jar and what was in it before if it were not made for a huge caribou head.

The weather was totally wonky yesterday.

Some places are creepy... and I really want to go into them. I'm terrified of going places I don't know tho. Isn't that hilarious.

Had awesome delicious chinese food. Good bang for your buck too. I had Fresh Cod on some rice noodle. Totally awesome. What's not awesome is having your car overheat, have the Gardiner closed and my friends almost having to pee in a bottle because they decided to do a RIDE on Spadina.

Now time for my cartoon boyfriend Harvey and some coffee. Ahh.

Sigh of Satisfaction

2008-05-30T14:18:00.002-04:00

I did a million things yesterday. Met up with David, Allen, Bev, and Shaun.

Met some people I've only known from the online forums at matthewgood.org which was neato.

I had almost the same seats as I did last time on my birthday. I have a flickr set HERE.

Big obnoxious photo:

Me legs are killing me from running around Toronto all day.

Oh and I think I got a legit job offer at an advertising agency. I'll be calling them today. Maybe have an interview on Monday!!! Fingers crossed.

SHIT EATING GRIN

2008-05-29T11:24:00.001-04:00

I'm seeing Matt Good tonight.

I'm Job Hunting

2008-05-28T23:52:00.003-04:00

Someone needs to hire me at their advertising agency :D

Well... get movin;.

plxkthanxbai

Peg Bundy called.

2008-05-28T11:12:00.001-04:00

She wants her tights back.

I'm on a Whale kick.

2008-05-27T22:34:00.002-04:00

I think she's so cute. Cia Berg (now Soro). Quirky and cute. I wish I was swedish.

Joost - Wicked Download

2008-05-24T10:58:00.002-04:00

If you ask me you kids need to get JOOST. It's a pretty sweet free tv sort of download.

Also you know where else you can stream cool stuff... mtv.ca. It's true. I'm digging how you can watch whole playlists of tvshows... I watch tv before bed... so that's pretty snazzy... i've lost my remote for my tv... ha ha. I'l pretty much watch anything with PJ harvey documentaries on it.

Gone Wireless!

2008-05-24T09:13:00.005-04:00

When I got my laptop (for advertising school) I've always wanted my wireless network to work. Today it finally decided to. This excites me in so many ways. Now I can be an even lazier bum. Or maybe even hook my dad's comp onto the internet... tho he's never been. Uh oh. C'est moi au jour dui:

One of these days I'm writing Kim Mitchell an email and we're gonna hang out. RA RA OLE!

I'm always going on about 1994 but, this is such an awesome song. I wish I could have kicked it to Blondie in 1979.

Time to go huddle in my lair, check craiglist Vanvcouver, pick the dress to wear tonight, probably this one:

Sometimes I like looking at street webcams on weather.ca. I think I'd be a good CCTV monitor.

Hobo Humpin' Slobo Babe

2008-05-23T19:45:00.002-04:00

One hit wonder if I've ever known one. Fuck I miss 1994

2008-05-23T19:33:00.002-04:00

Video of the conversation between Scarlett and Debbie here.

I love Blondie. I love Scarlett. It's a win win situation for me.

Oh Bebe how I love you so...

2008-05-23T14:59:00.006-04:00

I can't wait to start making money again. After my summer job I dunno where I should work part time. Le Chateau maybe. Oh that'd be fun or bebe. Sometimes I am such a fucking girl. Or Urban Outfitters. That shit is my fave.

Someone's paying my way to have a god time at musik tomorrow. What a treat!

Things I would go out and buy right now but can't:

Plans for today... are selling these: Matt Good Tickets and have some girl time with Tasha and Sara.

Tomorrow is going to be a fun time. I haven't been out in a long time.

Kids in the Hall - Myspace

2008-05-23T11:22:00.002-04:00

http://www.myspace.com/kithtour08

Oh Yes. I will be there. If I have to sell my body I will be.

Straight from my warm body and onto your plate.

I'm Poor

2008-05-23T10:19:00.001-04:00

It's true.

I'm going to try and work the hock shop today so I can pay my friend for a kids in the hall ticket they picked up for me.

Le sigh.

When will my new job start?

Victoria Day Long Weekend

2008-05-20T11:27:00.002-04:00

(everyday is a long weekend for me). I don't work anymore. The government is deciding if I deserve money or not. I don't care about my car and trivial things... I do car about having enough gas money to see Kids in the Hall and Matt Good tho.

Went down to Niagra falls.

I had a better time than I have had before. My friends boyfriend came over from England and he made me feel really smart. Not that he was dumb just that he seemed really interested and enthralled with what I had to say.

Oh and if you ever decide to go to Niagra Falls... don't other with the $12 waste of money tour behind the falls... all you're missing out on is this:

A tunnel that you can't see through because duh... it's fuckload of water.

LOL.

Some of my friends wanted to go to the Scarborough Bluffs yesterday but I was pretty much dead from cold-ass Niagra. This coffee is pretty much saving my life right now.

Went for sushi... ordered about 100 dollars worth and everything I ordered was made wrong. So the poor cute little waitress felt so bad and tried to make me some spicy crab maki rolls. It was cute. And I felt bad for complaining but I would have preferred something that I was really looking forward to to be made correctly.

Anyway... I don't feel like doing anything except for staying in and watching Harvey Birdman. I might go to Tasha's to eat her small and adorable critter Chai:

Over and Out,
-Charmaine

I can't believe I rode a Harley

2008-05-17T14:21:00.001-04:00

I've never been on a quad, see-doo, ski-doo, snow mobile or anything but my bro took me around on his ridiculously loud Harley it was interesting and pretty scary. He said I was an awesome passenger but I was pretty freakin' scared.

I'm invited.

2008-05-13T13:35:00.001-04:00

... But, I don't look very good in red.

There's a few good things you can do:

2008-05-12T10:26:00.002-04:00

I love my earings... hence the pictures... I never wear earings because I think they look funny... not these ones...

goggles

I dream about Norm MacDonald

2008-05-12T09:29:00.001-04:00

Last night I dreamt about Norm MacDonald. I really wanted to go out with Norm after I met him. We didn’t see each other for a long time until I ran into him again. I ran into my old teacher friend and China Town Centre when we were talking when I saw him again. After he coerces me (and not that hard) to go back to his place he brings me to his back yard. Where there’s a shelf on top of a hill. He tells me that after meeting me the first time he didn’t realize that he liked me and he had a picture of me as a newscaster but my name was captioned Shelby something or other. After he retrieved that there was an avalanche in his back yard and he came tumbling towards the house.

Old School:

The things I would do.

2008-05-11T16:48:00.001-04:00

There's so much awesome in this post.

SlideShow 1

2008-05-10T19:05:00.002-04:00

You can see a slideshow of my favourite flickr pictures by clickingHERE.

Corgan & Me

2008-05-10T12:51:00.003-04:00

Hey folks. Please entertain me and vote for my picture of me and my friend Billy Corgan HERE.

Dream Vault

2008-05-10T12:18:00.001-04:00

Dream May 8th, 2008

In the theme of Beyond Belief: Fact or Fiction I dreamt of a woman sitting on a couch… total Florida style house… bird cages and vibrant colours… a skeleton with about 20 huge bright pink curlers curling it’s imaginary hair was surrounding the woman; provoking her. Then the voice over “Did this woman get her hair done by a skeleton?” Pause. “No, but the interesting thing about this story is that she had abrasions on her that were determined by forensics that could have only occurs by being stuck from a human bone.”

I love daft punk.

2008-05-10T10:52:00.002-04:00

At least it spotted Brandon

2008-05-10T09:16:00.002-04:00

Burn Me Elmo

2008-05-05T15:37:00.002-04:00

When I first saw this I was so hysterical I had tears rolling down my cheeks.

Enjoy:

See more funny videos at CollegeHumor

I'm going to make a big roundup for the time I was gone avec les photos je pense que.

F - YEAS

2008-05-02T15:37:00.003-04:00

Today I picked my MacBook back up.

I'm on my last $80. I don't get my record of employment until May 9th.

I have a dizzying upset stomach.

My friends Mike and Victor are coming from Montreal tonight. I plan on drinking many a drinks with them.

I'm having a hard time uploading pics to my flickr. 12 of 44 did upload. *shakes fist*

Today... I almost got rear-ended and I had to get out of the car and lay it to 'em. Morons.

I am so excited.

I have no idea what the most beautiful thing I've even seen is.

It's been a whlie...

2008-04-26T10:00:00.002-04:00

I lugged out my guitar case and behold... new fender patch chords, straps and a $50 gift certificate to Long and McQuade. Duh. Jamming was fun. Almost everyone is a better musician than me. I bet if I wasn't so addicted to the internet I'd be better at guitar.

My Favourite Radio Station

2008-04-25T09:29:00.002-04:00

103.1 California Indie

It reminds me of running around California... so awesome.

I've been thinking about Cali a lot.

Turn To Page: ctrl + alt + del

2008-04-25T07:55:00.005-04:00

You know what... WindowsXP is horrible. I'm glad I've had my comp while my Mac has been in the shop but I am just amazed at how much better Macs are... things just work when you want them to and it's not a horrible choose your own adventure book that you always end up pressing ctrl + alt + del. I have a report due... I'm trying to print it. I HAVE the driver... I have the online support... my comp has issues...

Today is my last day of school. 2 exams and handing in that report. Feels good even if I only passed 5/8 classes. Hopefully I'll get to do some online over the summer.

What's a good band name? Sara and I are gonna start jamming again!

I also want to make a note at how awesome my friend Tasha is. She's gonna help me not be so wonky.

I should go cram a bit before my exam. Rock on.

Just Like Everyone Else

2008-04-22T09:46:00.002-04:00

Just like everyone else I want to be more active. There are some bills I need to pay in town and I should really suck it up and do it. I'm going to do some grocery shopping today and I'm going to walk/jog for a bit today. I don't want to go into the buildings to pay my bills but I have to. Maybe I'll bring my camera and it'll be more "okay" or fun even... who knows what I'll see.

Agoraphobia is a piece of shit. My mother is all "You're getting pretty sad with your responsibilities child!" See... she forgot already what I'm going through.

Sick and Dreaming (about Billy Corgan)

2008-04-21T09:43:00.002-04:00

Well today I feel triumphantly disgusting. Massive head cold of doom. For the last two months... I think I've been sick. Maybe I have mono, or scurvy or SOMETHING. More vitamins and more being active I need yes. Grammar awesome.

Someone asked me what the most beautiful thing I've ever seen is. Isn't it such a shame that I can't think of it for the life of me?

I had a wicked awesome cool dream last night about Billy Corgan I was living by him and I was setting up a hot tub in my front yard when I ran into him. He invited my friends and I to come to his house and we played this wrestling version of rock band and he signed some things for my friends but I was getting annoyed my friends were acting all star struck and giddy around him... after a while I managed to be the only one there and he tucked me into bed and asked me if I have ever had a "gaszah" or something like that and I said no. He left for a bit and came back with this grilled cheese type thing and it was yummy. We ended up having some deep talks about God and philosophy and fame it was interesting. It was one of those dreams I kept continuing and continuing and it was awesome.

Well I'm going to be late for class today but atleast I'm going I'm such a gross mess.

I miss Chicago.

Sleep Hag Spider

2008-04-18T10:48:00.003-04:00

Well last night was interesting... I have a migraine... during the day I've taken reactine, my prescription eye drops for allergies and then for my brain that's imploding an advil. I go to lie down... for 2 hours because I have a paper I have to finish writing for my Philosophy of Love and Sex class which I was really looking forward to doing. Sometimes reactine makes my legs twitch at night but this was a different symptom. When my alarm went off at 1am to wake up and work on my paper I dreamy that my cell phone was a spider... but my eyes were open and I was kinda moving towards it... I swung it around infront of my face to investigate it... it's like I knew it was my cell but at the same time thought it was a spider... not enough tho because I wasn't disgusting. Here's some cracked out spiders that I found when I was trying to find a pic of a trippy spider. I hate spiders but these ones are lol: http://www.trinity.edu/jdunn/spiderdrugs.htm

I also dreamt last night that I was walking in Vancouver up Seymour and my friend Tasha had a clothing store and I was visiting her. I ended up running into someone I only know of through a friend of a friend named Rod and we were going to go out for sushi. Instead all sorts of friends from my past kept coming in and distracting me.

A checklist of things to do:

= Pay Income Tax Guy
= Figure out what the most beautiful thing I've ever seen is
= Prostitution Essay
= Buy Booze
= Pay Dentist Bill
= Pay Credit Card Start-Up Fees then cancel the piece of shit.

If only I liked going outside. ^^

Rock band; movie night party tonight, luau tomorrow. I'm not too looking forward to the luau but that's just anxiety about getting there I'm sure I'll have an ok time when I get there. I have white shorts with pineapples on them, sexy white heels, a yellow shirt and my favourite yellow BCBG hoodie. Oh yes. I'm sure I'll post pics when I get my MacBook back.

Long entry doh dee doh.

Kicking in the TV - Cans on the Trees; I Love You.

2008-04-14T02:59:00.004-04:00

I was driving home and I drove by an iguana and since I haven't musted up the courage to stop my car and take pics... I didn't... Just like the church signs I keep missing.

My MacBook has been sent away to Apple. I finally managed to go do that. Boourns. I'm trying to take a buncha pics to start things off with it. I used to get so worked up about losing pictures because I always look at them and it's quite emotional for me. I try to think of things that... those pictures are not the memories themselves so I should be able to let go.

Income tax cheque = yay. I hit up value village and got some new mavi jeans, a reversible scarf with skulls on it, a beige and gold clutch and brand new pair of nice white sandal heels, all for $25.

I just woke up at 3am. I missed a presentation because of this cold/flu/allergy/possible eye infection thing I have going on and my teacher wants a docs note. I can't get in until May 15th... That's pathetic. It almost sounds illegal. I have to wait that long just to get my doc to fax something too. How ridiculous is that? I made the appointment WEEKS ago. It's just to fax paperwork. Schools out by then so it's not really of use to me. I could possibly fail this course because it was my exam... not to mention I was working hard at it and have a decent mark. Not to mention I'll have to live with sore eyes until then... unless I go to the hospital but hospitals make me wig out.

Now I'm grumpy about everything.

Kinky

2008-04-09T11:59:00.001-04:00

Mr. Colbert I had no idea... I just had an interesting dream about Mr. Stephen Colbert. I'm not complaining.

My MacBook has died.

2008-04-05T11:57:00.002-04:00

I was initiative... I was... excited... I had finished my Philosophy of Love & Sex report days before it was due. That's a rare occasion for me but I enjoy the class. I knew I wanted the weekend free and more free time to work on my marketing presentation... then in class... watching Harvey Birdman is crashed... I've talked to my friends Dale and Josh who are MacAwesome and it doesn't sound good I'll be taking it back to where I bought it today. The saddest thing about it is all the pictures I'm going to lose. I always looked at them. Not to mention the entire school year's worth of notes.... Now I'll have to bring binders again... and if Apple does get my mac up and running I'm sure they're have fun looking at my porn stash and dream journal entries.

I almost have no money. I have a roll of quarters and with gas being 1.12 a litre I don't think I'll be going to school much this week. Mother was supposed to lend me some cash until my income tax came in but I don't even have the money to go pick that up. It's a huge mess trying to get help... I mean. I don't feel like dealing with anything... and when I don't it just makes it worse but I can't seem to help it. It's so stupid what bothers me and what doesn't... and what is the most stupid is how hard it is for someone who has my problem to get help... I got a referral why do I have to deal with 45902836093647 docs appointments before someone can actually see me? I'm playing doctor tag and I'm sick of it. I almost don't care if I get help. I go to my docs I get what I need I call people back and they tell me to go back to the docs to get more... thing is my doctor is so busy so I'm waiting weeks in between that time while I'm off work and poorer and poorer by the minute. My income tax return which was supposed to give me a vacation in Vancouver is probably going to be money I need to sustain myself now.

Ugh.

This better all be worth it. Time for me to go try and deal with life. Wish me luck.

Agoraphobia & Creativity.

2008-03-29T09:01:00.003-04:00

So, those keeping score know that I'm a social girl who has some anxieties about the so-called "marketplace". There's some meetings I get to go to and some docs I get to talk to starting in May. I suppose I'll be off work until then.

I'm looking forward to getting help. It's challenging. In the meantime, I'm going to try a new strategy. I'm going to use photography and words to help my way through it. I'm going to pick somewhere... look at pics of it, write how I'll feel when I go there and try to take some pictures of it myself. It's going to have to be simple places to go at first and I might have to bring a friend with me to get the ball rolling but I'll at least be trying.

I'm so lucky to have supportive friends. I wish I didn't have to go through this alone tho...

From the Dream Present

2008-03-15T15:54:00.003-04:00

Last night I dreamt I was in a band with Melissa aud der Maur. We had this place in a city to live in and record. It was beautiful.

Stretching.

2008-03-13T08:24:00.001-04:00

Is underrated. People should never under estimate a good stretch.

Ahhhhhh.

In my next life I'd like to come back as a cat. They look like they're really good at stretching... and sleeping.

Getting Help

2008-03-12T08:07:00.005-04:00

Today I go to the doctor. It's not something I feel like doing.

If my doc is serious about helping me I think I'll end up talking to someone and giving me meds that can calm me down.

I feel so embarrassed and uncomfortable.

Update: For those keeping score at home. I got a referral to a Agoraphobia Help Centre and my work should be able to give me some short term time off so I can get a grip on things. I'm trying to do this un-medicated.

I heart LOLcats and Funny PIcs

2008-03-11T12:10:00.000-04:00

Enter the ICHC online Poker Cats Contest!

This duck sucks at life.

Agoraphobia pt. 2

2008-03-10T14:46:00.000-04:00

"When to seek medical advice

Agoraphobia can make you feel like a prisoner in your own home. You may be so fearful of having a panic attack that you can't venture into public. Some people with agoraphobia have "safe zones," or places, areas or situations they can go without severe worry. For instance, you may be able to walk around your neighborhood, but no farther. Or, you may be able to go places as long as a trusted relative or friend is with you. Sometimes you may muster up the courage to go somewhere but feel severely distressed and anxious.

Agoraphobia, whether extreme or not, can severely limit your life. You may not be able to socialize as you'd like. You may not be able to go to school or work. You may not be able to run errands for your family, attend your child's soccer game or go shopping with friends. If you anticipate having a panic attack, you may indeed have one, and you may constantly worry about the next one — causing a vicious cycle. The number of places you're able to go may become fewer and fewer.

At the same time, these fears, as well as embarrassment, can make it extremely difficult to visit your health care professional. Consider starting, instead, with a phone call to your health care professional. Some health care professionals, particularly mental health experts who specialize in agoraphobia and anxiety disorders, may initially be able to meet with you in your own home. Don't let agoraphobia make your world smaller than you'd like it to be."

I need help.

Does Fear Attract Fear?

2008-03-10T14:39:00.000-04:00

My friend Azarhi would tell me it does. Years ago she told me this when we were walking around California at night and my anxiety of being somewhere I was unfamiliar with started to set in.

I’ve thought about that saying a lot since then.

I force myself to go places. I try very hard not to let it control my life. It’s also very irrational and dependant on my mood. I have flown across the continent alone… that doesn’t seem to bother me… I know the pilot knows where they’re going… The hardest part for me is checking in at the right line and finding the proper gate and walking the right direction… If I think I’m going the wrong way I’ll start looking for a washroom or something else I might want to look at to stop me from freaking out.

Some things that really get me going is not knowing which subway stop I want to get off at… There have been times in Toronto where I walk down the stairs to the platform and I almost pass out thinking that I’m lost. I’ve actually had to sit on the stairs and collect myself on a few occasions.

When I’m shopping in a mall and I walk out of a store and forget which way I was walking I normally get this very quick and intense surge of fear… I don’t quite understand it.

The only times I can remember getting lost as a child was in Kingston, ON at the big apple and in a Chucky Cheese type establishment; The latter being a rather terrifying event for me. However, I don’t get flashbacks of these events when the panic strikes me.

Normally when I’m with someone else it’s ok. It’s always made me wonder if I have some form of Monophobia. I don’t know if this is the most reliable link but this describes a lot of how I feel http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/225667/do_you_suffer_from_monophobia.html

My father bought me some mace.

I like the idea behind it but in the back of my head I hear Azarhi. Am I attracting fear? By thinking I need to protect myself? I’ve developed this sort of way of thinking that I can ignore the fear while going somewhere that I don’t feel so safe. Or by distracting myself re-assuring myself THIS is where I’m supposed to be. Wherever THIS is. I’ve come a longer way than I thought I would have. I don’t remember this being as bad when I was a child. Infact, I’m positive this has developed in my late teens.

Anyway,

I’m not sure if I should carry it or not. And I don’t care that it’s illegal.

I've loved this since I laid eyes on it.

2008-03-09T12:43:00.001-04:00

The Kiss - The Cure.
I only really prefer this version.

So how about them Dodgers?

2008-03-08T11:55:00.001-05:00

o.0

So how about them Dodgers?

2008-03-08T11:55:00.000-05:00

o.0

O hai

2008-03-08T10:54:00.000-05:00

Dis iz bein a peekshur of me.

There are some things I love in life...

2008-03-08T08:13:00.003-05:00

Babies getting hurt by balloons is one of them

Another is Mr. Garrison's Theory of Evolution...

I think my favourite thing today tho is this:

Then I found this:

I need to get off the internet...

I'm a crotchety old woman...

2008-03-07T20:52:00.002-05:00

^^^ Me... in T minus zero.

I'm a crotchety old bag or I definitely will be one day.

It took me 3 hours to get home today. Toronto needs to fuck off with it's snow storms every other day.

There's about eleventy-billion teens screaming at the top of their lungs outside my house right now. Shrilling little shits that better not be near my car. They ran infront of me and I had my window open I told them to smarten up because the roads were really bad and getting hit by a car isn't funny.

You Don't Know Jack

2008-03-07T05:37:00.001-05:00

You Don't Know Jack Free Beta Game

^^^ This game is fun. I used to like how it was sarcastic... I never liked how I never beat Lyn at it.

Astronomy is neato...

2008-03-06T20:12:00.002-05:00

Holy Smokes... click here...

I'll be checking this from now on. How spiffy.

Oh honey...

2008-03-06T19:29:00.001-05:00

The Audreys

Kim Mitchell does a bit on classic rock Q107 in Toronto called "damn I wish I wrote that".

Well... damn, I wish I wrote this song. I might as well have.

...Might have to buy the album "between last night & us".

I heard them today on CIUT

LOL

2008-03-06T12:51:00.000-05:00

HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN ?!?!?!?!

-(in best Dot form Madtv voice impression)

Billy Corgan on Abuse

2008-03-04T23:14:00.004-05:00

This is probably the most sense this man has made in years.
I'm enlightened when people have a voice for them and for others.

Everyone has their own reasons for not speaking out about abuse... but hopefully some people can.

There was a time I was madly in love...

2008-03-03T20:31:00.003-05:00

I remember how good that felt.

Why did he hurt someone like me (who just wanted to love him) just to realize later I'm all they ever wanted?

There's a whirlwind of things I cannot express right now.

Jeff Healey RIP

2008-03-02T20:57:00.002-05:00

Jeff Healey (my friends uncle + Canadian musician) has passed away.

Jeff on Wikipedia

Thoughts with them.

McDonalds

2008-03-02T19:22:00.002-05:00

I haven't had McDonald's in over 5 years. Even before I became a vegetarian (plinka plinka).

I'm doing a marketing research project on them which is sort of interesting but I think if I was actually doing a media plan for them and was working for them they woudn't want my references to be FAST FOOD NATION and NO LOGO.

=)

I would...

2008-03-02T18:23:00.001-05:00

probably ask this guy out on a date. Not because of the recycling but because of the uni-cycle. What an interesting talent.

I'm afraid of crabs...

2008-03-02T02:45:00.002-05:00

But I like it when they're in this guys mouth being dragged across the ground...

Best Sushi in Toronto

2008-03-02T00:13:00.003-05:00

as by blogTO.

I haven't tried these places...

WANT

Top 10 Sushis - nom nom nom.

I'm sad because I bought pretty good sushi downtown last night and got a huge amount packed up to go and I left it at a pub where I met up with some friends. I hope they enjoyed my futomaki, spicey salmon, spicey tuna, spicey salmon w/ tempura flakes and california rolls... *shakes fist*

Girl Brain vs. Boy Brain

2008-03-01T15:48:00.002-05:00

Scott Thompson

2008-02-28T19:25:00.004-05:00

Scott Thompson is going to be on Tom Green's show broadcasted live from his house tonight.

Oh how I love Kids in the Hall...

http://www.tomgreen.com/

Update: Scott did mention that Kids in the Hall are writing new material and going to reunite. I've heard that same song for so long. Here's hoping it's a tour and not just Just for Laughs or something. Actually... I'd rather it be TV Shows and I'd try to go to a taping...

Scott really has aged well... he takes good care of himself. I can't say that for the other 4. hah.

Out of my FACE!

2008-02-28T18:20:00.001-05:00

I need to go back to the doc. I've been off my acne prescription and I'm glad for camera tricks and over exposure. People say my acne's not bad but what they don't know is how much it physically hurts me. I'd go on Accutane (http://www.drugs.com/accutane.html) if you know... the side effects weren't suicide and I'm sure accutane doesn't mix well with exceema. Anyway... being off Diane +35 is absolute hell...

I'm a Bad Friend...

2008-02-28T16:37:00.003-05:00

I have a friend Lacey... I met her in college... She helps me organize my time always but I'm so tired all the time I never know what's going on and I miss out a lot on what I'm trying to do. I appreciate her but I really don't deserve the time and energy she gives me. I feel like such a tool. Financially I can't work any less so I'm screwed this is the best it can be this semester. I feel so bad I upset her. Hopefully we'll do well on our project and it'll make it better.

From the Dream Present

2008-02-28T15:49:00.002-05:00

Last night I dreamt I was in the woods. I ran into Sara {one of my closest friends} . It felt like a hot September day and the sun was going down so it was getting cool fast but you could still feel the heat form the day in your skin.

S: You know what would happen if you fell asleep out here?

C: The mosquitos would kill you.

She didn't really want me to answer she wanted to tell me that. She was proud of the knowledge and I sort of interrupted her.

We go back to our town... which isn't our town and for some reason I know I'm living in the USA. I have a job in a strip mall and I won something. My boss an old incoherent lady tells me I get to have the "mail room" key. When I come in in the morning I'm allowed to go to the mail room and take something off the 4th shelf as my prize. I was really excited.

Then, I remember there was someone in the store I was giving heck and it was a good looking guy... well he was alright looking... tall, thin, brown messy hair... but then he tried to woo me over and what he was saying didn't really work until he told me he was 7'4" tall. I found that ridiculously sexy and even tho I was trying to bitch at him I turned into putty.

Quote

2008-02-28T06:19:00.002-05:00

L: He really likes you y'know I worked with him yesterday he talked about you a lot.

C: Yeah, but I'm not interested; I'm just not that excited that he exists.

L: You never know he might cherish you and take care of you forever and be exactly what you're looking for.

C: You know what he makes me feel like... a horse... when it goes lame... and it has to be put down.

Oh, Dot. How I love you so let me count the ways.

2008-02-27T17:36:00.001-05:00

I have no idea if I'm cooked or not...

For the Love of Sleep

2008-02-27T17:27:00.002-05:00

I just want some shut eye. Just a little bit. Please?

If this doesn't work I'll auction off strikes to my skull with blunt objects... bonus monies if you induce a coma.

C O G

2008-02-27T09:33:00.002-05:00

I wish I was still as in love with them as I once was.

She's a Good Egg

2008-02-27T08:26:00.003-05:00

Egg Salad Sandwiches are pretty much the best thing ever invented. Nom Nom Nom.

Last night I dreamt about my first boyfriend... and he was fat. I ran into him in a mall and he was meeting a girl for lunch... It was back in time and we were dating... Turns out I caught him meeting the girl because she was my friend and I was meeting her for lunch too... I ended up stealing a car and meeting him later for a rendezous while the cops were after me.

I don't prefer dreaming about exs because it brings back feelings that aren't favourable. Things that don't feel real but can be conjured up only by their presence.

I've always been told I'm "such a girl".

People at my work think I'm rather funny but it's interesting to me when I'm miserable. It's also interesting to me that I make people laugh... It's something I really enjoy doing but I have to be comfortable with who I'm with. I have to gauge what makes them tick because humour is different all round for different folks. At work I have a horrible mouth and say outrageous things but my mother has never heard me cuss. Sort of like that. I think I feel awkward sometimes in situations if I can't make people laugh... I feel too censored. Normally I only get like that with men I find interesting when I really wish I could on the contrary turn the charm up a notch. Meh.

There's a handsome gentleman at work... I can't say his name... it's Russian or something close to that... I secretly hope he can't speak English. Tonight it got me wondering if someone could fall in love if they couldn't speak the same language... I'm not so sure it'd be love but lust... and if it developed into love it'd be quite the coincidence. Maybe they're develop their own language of love... maybe it'd be impossible to fight if you didn't have the words to injure another's psyche and heart.

For your information I am a Scorpio Wood Rat.

I refused to believe it for so long...

2008-02-26T21:33:00.002-05:00

I've never believed Steven Tyler sang this song... I had to see it for myself. What a effin' good song. Not particularly great live apparently. But I shouldn't really mess with Aerosmith. I remember I used to walk around town with my walkman blaring Big Ones that Christine got my for a birthday...

I gauge events in my life by what music I'm listening to.

From the Dream Vault

2008-02-26T07:08:00.000-05:00

D R E A M - Wheat Kings - December 2, 2007

I just woke up from a very fun dream. I was at my favourite concert venue in Toronto, The Opera House. The sound there is so good and you can lean right up against the stage. The Tragically Hip were performing and I was front row centre. I had a Mountie hat on and I was singing along. I put my hat down on the stage and moved to the back of the venue. Gord takes the hat comes into the crowd (where I’m sitting at a school desk) and he asks me to come on stage. A few other people go on stage too and we sing back up to Wheat Kings. He put the hat back on my head. It was lot of fun and reminded me of the time I danced with the lead singer from Elbow.

I love fun deams.

“Wheeeeeeeeat kings… and pretty things…”

What the eff is a KNUT?

2008-02-26T06:56:00.000-05:00

WHAT WHAT (THE FUCK)

2008-02-25T09:11:00.002-05:00

Instead of studying... I watch RIDICULOUS youtube videos...

I just don't trust this guy's smile o.0

Sent Home Early...

2008-02-25T02:36:00.003-05:00

I don't really like how my pics don't fit on my blog unless I post smaller ones. I might try to make my own template because this blog looks nothing like one I'd like to have.

Apparently I have a midterm in Humanities this afternoon and I haven't been to class for a while... so... since I get sent home early I really should study for that...

I dunno why no one likes that class. The prof is kinda intense but teachers always love me so I'm okay with her. I have no idea what the test is going to be on so this should be interesting...

Eyes read.

Google Plex

2008-02-24T04:00:00.001-05:00

Time check... a million o'clock...

4am listening to stand up online...

Note to self: Do your marketing project idiot.

Anne Frank's Tree

2008-02-24T02:09:00.002-05:00

http://www.annefranktree.com/

Ever since I was a little girl I’ve had a fascination with trees. I was a loner for the first part of my life and trees became my friends. Trees are good listeners and say more than you would think if you actually listen.
There were certain trees I would talk to more than the others. My favourite tree was a huge maple outside the first house my family and I ever lived in. We haven’t lived at that house for 15 years. Recently I decided to go on a photography excursion so I could capture a picture and always remember my favourite tree. When I went to the spot I noticed the tree had been cut down. It too had white rot like Anne Frank’s tree.
As an adult seeing a stump where a friend used to be is very difficult for me to explain. It actually made me feel like a part of my childhood had been taken away – one of my favourite memories. I liked that tree the most because it looked different but I suppose it was actually sick. It had smooth surfaces in the trunk that I used to love to touch and fathom the inner-workings of the tree.
Anne Frank’s tree makes me wonder about all the things she thought about every nook, cranny, crack and surface of that specific tree. If I had it my way I would build a massive exact replica out of bronze, possibly with copper for the leaves that would tarnish green. I think it would be beautiful and would have a lot of meaning to her. I know if I went back to my tree and saw a tribute and not a stump I’d be elated.

PO'd

2008-02-23T11:48:00.004-05:00

I am going to go try and sleep again for the eleventy-billionth time... but it's time for another time check folks... I am constantly in a stage of not being awake and not really ever being asleep. There's no way I have the neuro-transmitter that produces melatonin, there's just no freakin' way. It's hard to be productive if you're not coherent enough to change a light bulb. I've always tried to sort of meditate before bed... to let my mind wander to whatever it wants... it ends up day-dreaming up a kaleidoscope of images and some of them are not so pleasant. I try to tell myself that there's no thought police. My mind ends up meandering to the same little things... my little secrets. I get so excited. I try to count down from 10. A friend taught me a trick to help me sleep by counting each number down from 10 really concentrating on each number and if you get side tracked to start at 10 again... well, I hardly make it to 10. I seem to have to be at the point of utter physical exhaustion to sleep because just being mentally exhausted just doesn't cut it. I try reading but everything's a blur... I just sort of feel like I'm treading time...

Oh, and I've lost my clicker... so I just leave the Comedy Network on... when I've seen the same episode of This Hour has 22 Minutes 3 times I know I haven't slept in a long time...

This is why I don't sleep...

2008-02-23T08:55:00.002-05:00

Time check... 8:55am.

2008-02-23T07:01:00.002-05:00

I am making a blog.

Meatball Pillow

My Boyfriends Blog

dying flickr...

Some Time

I love this video/song.

Hiatus.

When I get money...

down by the boardwalk...

You won't see fish heads sipping cappuccinos in Italian restaurants with Oriental women...

I've decided.

I wish this was me.

OMG - let's fucking cheer for... beer cups!

Sleep Hag

What have I been up to?

Muxtape

Vote for my friends lolcat!

I have no excuse. KIDS IN THE HALL

For the record...

Ruddabaga

*Sigh of Satisfaction*

SHIT EATING GRIN

I'm Job Hunting

Peg Bundy called.

I'm on a Whale kick.

Joost - Wicked Download

Gone Wireless!

Hobo Humpin' Slobo Babe

Oh Bebe how I love you so...

Kids in the Hall - Myspace

I'm Poor

Victoria Day Long Weekend

I can't believe I rode a Harley

I'm invited.

There's a few good things you can do:

I dream about Norm MacDonald

The things I would do.

SlideShow 1

Corgan & Me

Dream Vault

I love daft punk.

At least it spotted Brandon

Burn Me Elmo

F - YEAS

It's been a whlie...

My Favourite Radio Station

Turn To Page: ctrl + alt + del

Just Like Everyone Else

Sick and Dreaming (about Billy Corgan)

Sleep Hag Spider

Kicking in the TV - Cans on the Trees; I Love You.

Kinky

My MacBook has died.

Agoraphobia & Creativity.

From the Dream Present

Stretching.

Getting Help

I heart LOLcats and Funny PIcs

Agoraphobia pt. 2

Does Fear Attract Fear?

I've loved this since I laid eyes on it.

So how about them Dodgers?

So how about them Dodgers?

O hai

There are some things I love in life...

I'm a crotchety old woman...

You Don't Know Jack

Astronomy is neato...

Oh honey...

LOL

Billy Corgan on Abuse

There was a time I was madly in love...

Jeff Healey RIP

McDonalds

I would...

I'm afraid of crabs...

Best Sushi in Toronto

Girl Brain vs. Boy Brain

Scott Thompson

Out of my FACE!

I'm a Bad Friend...

Sigh of Satisfaction